Yesterday, the TOTUS (Teleprompter of the United States) spontaneously shattered during Hope ‘n Change’s speech. We believe this to be a suicide. After all, how would you feel if you were Hope ‘n Change’s constant companion, telling him what to say, feeding him his lines in constant cadence – and receiving no credit for your efforts?
I think the CIA and Dick Cheney must be involved in some way. Some kind of psyops program, perhaps, to shatter TOTUS’s already low morale? Given Hope ‘n Change’s callous response to TOTUS’s demise, I can only guess at his/its depths of despair.
Other theories at work:
Michelle Malkin thinks this is a simple case of “untimely death”.
Allahpundit thinks it’s some sort of “Chicago thing” – you know, like a mob hit.
Guys, you’re not seeing the bigger picture . . . it’s Dick Cheney, I tell you.
